On 26th and 27th on November Santa himself is going to release two very exclusive lists. They will show who in Edinburgh and Aberdeen landed on Santa’s naughty list.

He will then send his trusted Elves to capture the culprits with their bail hearings set for 3rd and 4th December when it will be determined who will stay behind candy cane bars depending on whether they manage to come up with their bail of £1,100.

Examples of “Offences” Santa would like to root out this year are:

• Unlawful Caroling Without a Tune Permit (Singing off-key in a designated harmony zone.)
• Mince Pie Hoarding (Possession of more than 12 mince pies with intent to distribute.)
• Excessive Use of Tinsel in a Public Place (Causing glitter-related distractions or minor sparkle injuries)
• Reckless Reindeer Riding (Operating a reindeer without a sleigh license or festive insurance.)
• Elf Impersonation (Wearing pointy shoes and jingling in restricted zones.)
• Excessive use of Corporate Speak (e.g. “Circling back” and “Bluesky Thinking”)
• Uncheerful Office Behaviour (e.g. Leaving teaspoons in the sink after preparing their favourite Christmas tea)

Of course, this is not exhaustive! If you feel you will be on Santa’s list and would like to start to get back in his good graces, sign up below, so we can put in a good word.