You are in: Home > Stroke Information > Information For Carers > Roles And Relationships
Roles And Relationships
A stroke is likely to change the life of the person you care for, and the lives of other family members, in many different ways. The person who has had a stroke may no longer have control over small everyday decisions that we all take for granted—when to have a cup of tea, phone a friend, turn on the TV.
You and other family members may be faced with new roles and responsibilities. You may find yourself suddenly having to take over tasks such as cooking, housework, or managing the family finances because the person you care for can no longer do them.
Adapting To Caring And Nursing Roles
Caring for someone who is no longer independent inevitably changes the relationship between you. Carers sometimes feel guilty that they may have done something to cause the stroke, distressed by the effects of stroke on the person they love, overwhelmed by the demands of caring, and, at times, resentful towards the person they care for. The person needing care may feel frustrated, despairing or angry at the loss of control over his or her life, and vent these feelings on you and other family members. It is important to acknowledge these feelings, and recognise that they are normal reactions to stress. Once you acknowledge them, you can start to do something about them. If you are the main carer, looking after yourself is as important as looking after the person you care for.
Sex After Stroke
Some people are anxious about whether they will be able to continue to have a sex life after a stroke. Some lose interest altogether. A common worry is that sex could trigger another stroke. This is not the case for most people, but someone with high blood pressure who has had a haemorrhage-type stroke should get advice from the doctor.
Finding New Responsibilities And Encouraging Independence
If the person you care for cannot fulfil his or her former role, finding new roles and responsibilities that are manageable will help to boost confidence and maintain the respect of other family members. It helps to encourage this involvement within the family right from the start. Regaining independence is likely to involve considerable effort, determination and frustration.
Sometimes the person who has had a stroke can demand a great deal of time and attention. It may help to decide on firm limits about what you will and will not do, in order to motivate the person you care for and stretch his or her abilities.
Deciding Whether To Give Up Work
For the carer it may seem a sensible decision to stop work in order to make more time for caring. Think through the implications carefully. Giving up your job is likely to mean a drop in income when you most need it, and less social contact outside the home. It is worth considering other alternatives such as reducing the hours you work, if possible, or perhaps finding a part-time job nearer home.
Because of the value we attach to work in our society, giving up a job can seriously affect our own sense of worth and self-esteem. If either of you does decide to stop working, it is a good idea to find other regular activities to get involved in—either separately or together—which will take you out of the home and bring you into contact with the other people.
Younger Adults
Although stroke is more common in older people it can affect people of all ages. Younger adults who have a stroke may have considerable financial and family responsibilities. While diseases of old age do not complicate recovery in younger people, the idea of disability and the loss of hopes and aspirations may be very hard to come to terms with.
The partner and children of the person who has had a stroke have to cope with a new set of practical and emotional pressures, and adjusting to these often takes time. Children may have to take on new roles and responsibilities, and get used to both parents having less time to spend on their needs. It is important to talk to children frankly about what has happened and about how it will change family life.
If you would like further information on stroke and younger adults telephone our Advice Line Nurses on 0845 077 6000.
Different Strokes is an organisation for young stroke survivors.
Advice Line
Latest News
CHSS Campaigns